The Potato Chronicles

Oh where hath Isabeau run off to this time?
This is what happens when you miss D&D

When we last left our heroes they had been exploring in the underdark. Lead to the city of Stonehewn by Trundle Tumblebum, our heroes were getting further acquainted with their new surroundings. While our group of adventurers were out seeing the sights and potentially gambling their way into debt Isabeau had her own plans. She had know that she needed to be in the town hall for a meeting later in the evening so she took her time to meander off alone and get to see things for herself.

Isabeau, as noble as she may be, was regarded by the locals as an outcast, an outsider in a close knit community. Wandering through the streets the local deepgnomes would try their best to not cross their eyes to hers. They looked away at first glance from her and mother gnomes would pull their children away from her path. Feeling as though she were a pariah Isabeau thought that she may have better luck with the more noble of the deepgnomes.

She made her way to the town hall atop the cliff side overlooking Stonehewn. Gazing out at the city so far underground overwhelmed her with a feeling of ignorance of what Faerun had to offer. As she stood there in awe an arm curled around her waist and pulled her in tight against this unknown figure.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Uttered this eccentric gnome.

Startled, Isabeau tried to take a step back but the hold on her was firm. Realizing she was in no immediate danger she relaxed, letting herself be held close by this stranger.

“It is…” the words quietly eked from her mouth.

As the two stood looking down on the city, time seemingly drawn to a standstill, the arm once clenching her closely began to drop.

“I must be off to prepare for the evening, there is still so much to do” proclaimed the gnome as he turned and headed towards the town hall. “I hope to see you this evening.” he said as he sauntered toward the large royal doors leading into the great hall.

Left once again to her thoughts she pondered who this little man could be. “I guess I will see him again this evening,” Isabeau thought to herself.

As the day pressed on and turn to night Isabeau caught up with her friends preparing to go to the town meeting. Ulmus lead the group of adventurers into the chambers, cautiously leaving bubble bubble at the door to show his respect and prepare for a daring retreat if need be. The group took their seats around a crescent table, a feast had been prepared for this evening. Disinterested in the events that were about to take place, Isabeau kept her eye out for the gentlegnome that she had run into earlier that day. The room grew silent and from the back corner a gnome walked out. Dawning a golden crown and a long deep purple cape it appeared the king had made his way to the table. Something seemed off about him, though only Isabeau seemed to notice.

“The gnome from earlier,” Isabeau choked under her own breath.

Following a short speech by King Bronson and some questioning to the activities that brought Ulmus and Co. to the city of Stonehewn a slew of servants burst from the kitchen bringing platters of food for the guests. As the feast drew to a close Isabeau’s compatriots readied to seek out a place to rest and prepare for the morning when they were tasked with slaying the Flayers that could spell a grim end for Stonehewn and its inhabitants. Not wanting to leave without seeing the king once more Isabeau stayed and let her friends go rest. As the rest of the gnomes schmoozed about Isabeau remained at her table, sipping from her mushroom vodka. A hand reached over her shoulder and rest itself upon it.

“I’m glad you could make it.” King Bronson announced.

The two sat together and regaled in stories of their adventures and childhoods until all but them had left the hall. King Bronson stood up and held out his hand. Isabeau, unsure of his intentions, curiously placed her hand in his. He lead her through the door he had entered from at the start of the night and down a long corridor. Bronson opened an immense stone, jewel incrusted door to his bedchambers and passed Isabeau over the doors threshold where he closed the door behind him. Isabeau could tell things were about to get interesting.

Eagerly, Isabeau threw herself onto the bed and sprawled out. It had been some time since she had been in a bed befitting of her status. King Bronson laid down next to Isabeau and began to kiss her neck. He slowly pulled down her top exposing her soft, unyielding breasts. Just the sight of those breasts made Bronsons penis very hard. His penis was of considerable size, and now beads of sweat slowly ran down his penis, making it glisten like a strong swimmer, fresh from the pool. It was a fantastic penis, that seemed as strong as a horse’s leg, yet as delicate as a flower wrapped in silk. Isabeau often thought about a mighty penis such as his, long, sturdy and throbbing. She grasped his swollen penis in her hands. Unable to control herself anymore she plunged his penis deep into the recesses of her mouth, rolling her tongue along up and down his penis.

Isabeau fixated herself on his penis until all thoughts in her head had converged on his penis. It had been some time since she had physically been with a penis as glorious as his penis and was overwhelmed with all the things she could do with such a majestic penis. She had often thought of penis’ and all the pleasures they could hold if only she had the opportunity to be with more penises.

King Bronson stood up tall, erect, like a penis. His penis dangled before him as a mighty warrior’s blade. He raised his hands to the air and let out a thunderous clap. The doors to his chamber burst open and in rushed Bronson’s consort with a group of gnomes. They stood around her, naked, brandishing their penis’ as though to make a penis wall around the bed. Lady Bronson climbed into bed, brushing past King Bronson’s penis. She climbed atop of Isabeau and began to kiss her breasts. It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Isabeau’s mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a vast redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves tall and mighty all around her. She then realized that the group of gnomes that had accompanied Lady Bronson into the chamber had climbed into the bed and were thrusting their penises blindly at whatever they could hit.

Isabeau took many a penis to the face, chest, butt, hands, eyes, ears, hair, breasts, lady bits and yes, even her bum hole. Penises were clashing around her to the left and to the right, it was her belief that these penises had done this many a night. The penises seemed to fly around her and penetrate even the smallest of crevasses. The barrage of penises seemed unrelenting. Isabeau couldn’t move herself without grasping a penis, couldn’t speak without being silenced by a penis and couldn’t remain still from the pummeling of the penises. Before long Isabeau had a penis covering every part of her body, suddenly, one by one the penises began to quiver showering the room and covering all in their thick penis paste. Exhausted Isabeau curled up in the pile of penises, snuggling deep in the group of gnomes holding one penis close to her chest for comfort.

Isabeau awoke late in the morning to find that her team had left her to defend the city without her. Nervous for their safety she grabbed her things and ran to meet them conscripting 3 gnome guards on her way out to help them if need be. Hopefully she would find them before anything happened to them.

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Queer Goblin Manor
Retrieving the Alchemist's Tome

Dwigger woke up after a full night of sleep, barely singed after sharing the safety of Leomund’s tiny hut with two Dragonborn. After the disturbing events of the night before, the cost of the conjuring ritual was well spent. The personality disorders of the rest of the party do not seem to be improved much after the rest, so there is likely to be more drinking after the group makes it to town. Thinking a song may be in order, Dwigger pulls out his lute and plays a ribald tune.

Not looking forward to another night in the town of Loudwater, the party set out to continue their investigation. Min was fondling her dagger, clearly excited she was about to receive a new spider tooth dagger.

In the town, Min immediately headed in the direction of the smithy, saying the rest of the party wasn’t needed. Ulmus similarly departed with some grumbles about religious ceremony. He carries his ladder, enchanted staff, saddle, pack bags and weapons off in another direction, saying he would be back later in the afternoon. His actions during the previous night’s activities seem to have changed something in his demeanor.

Hoping to delay the start of the drinking a little further into the afternoon, Dwigger encourages some further exploration of the town. He suggested finding a scholar who could provide some information about the sacrificial dagger from the night before, or possibly sharing the information about yesterday’s dark deeds to the town’s highlord. Given the poor reception to Dwarves in the city, and Isabeau’s persistent withdrawn behavior, he decided to follow along as she and Hathyra walked through the vendors at the riverside market.

As they passed an incoherent palm reader and felt the snap of the breeze catch a cargo boat’s sail in the river, a burly dwarf with bright mad eyes and dirt in his beard approaches the party. He screams “YOU’RE POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!” and continues on down the riverside. Isabeau seems shaken, and demands that the party return to the bar for entertainment and drinks. It’s likely the drinks are the main priority, but entertainment is business and Dwigger could use some coin.

Back at the tavern, the party reunites shortly when Ulmus and Min return. Dwigger puts down his lute, no one was listening anyway. The party sits together and discusses their plans. During her trip, Min found a note in her pocket. An unknown source placed it there while she wasn’t looking. Their skill must have been superb, since Min is a known rogue and pick-pocket. Perhaps magic was involved.

The note she received showed a quick sketch of the Crescent symbol the group was so familiar with now, and requested a meeting at dusk at the stables on the Eastern edge of Loudwater. Since the party expected a trap, they used their skills to prepare for an ambush. While Ulmus suggested all manner of small and weak beasts, Dwigger convinced him that a strong animal was needed to protect Min while she met alone with the informant. Considering the destination, a magnificent pony was the perfect disguise. The rest of the team quickly decided on roles and drank the afternoon away, until finally leaving for the stables as the sun lowered in the sky.

Since Ulmus carried the saddle around anyway, Dwigger used it to ride the transformed Gnome to the stables. Hathyra appeared shortly after he started his performance at the small platform near the stables, while Isabeau could be heard clanking down the street but not approaching too closely. A small crowd gathered to hear the music performed.

From the gloom of the stables, an unenthusiastic “Nay… Nay…” could be heard from Ulmus. He clearly enjoyed his seat for the show.

After a short time, Min arrived and loitered just outside the spectators. From further down the street, another dwarf approached. He had a scholarly appearance, dressed in fine robes with several scrolls and purses on his belt. As he approached the performance, he slowed to talk with Min at the edge of the gathering.

Experienced in playing and listening, Dwigger heard the new Dwarf introduce himself as Arlow. He claimed to own a tome on the history of the Crescent symbol, but it was in the possession of an acquaintance. The acquaintance was an alchemist, but hadn’t been seen in some time and his manor was in disrepair. The mission to retrieve the tome could be dangerous, and Arlow made sure that Min had some team to rely on for the mission. He insinuated there would be other loot at the manor, possibly magical artifacts.

Dwigger mused whether the group was getting a reputation for this sort of thing, for strangers to approach them in the street.

Arlow didn’t loiter long after saying where he could be found after completion of the quest. As he walked away past the stable doors, the loud noise of a slamming stable door stunned the Dwarf momentarily. A fat pony walked from the stables and paused beside the Dwarf to wink in an oddly seductive manner, before trotting away. A stable boy was left in the dust. Arlow could be heard muttering “gnomes…” under his breath as he shook his head.

The party re-grouped and didn’t spend long deciding to head to the manor on the edge of town. As they approached the building, it appeared more dilapidated than they expected. Only one entrance seemed approachable, so they moved closer and Isabeau knocked thrice.

The door slowly swung open with a loud screech. There was nobody on the other side of the doors. After inspecting the well-greased hinges, it was clear why Ulmus was snickering.

The floor in the entranceway was covered in dust, footprints long undisturbed. The woodworking in the trim was exquisite and costly.

Thinking there may be traps, but hoping to find their artifact, Ulmus cast a detect magic spell. It pointed to the northwest. Seeing only one door in that direction, the party continued onwards into the manor.

The master staircase in this room was collapsed. Clearly the manor is derelict. Dwigger investigated carefully and uncovered a trap in the center of the room. Ulmus, being contrary, decided to walk through the trap. As he pushed through the silver webs of spell energy, he shook off their effects and continued to the next doors. There was more to the gnome than appeared at first. He had to move sideways to get his ladder through the next door.

Both Isabeau and Dwigger followed immediately after Ulmus, and they found themselves crammed into a bathroom together. In the tub was someone’s heavy bowel movement. The murky waters shook as the group approached, and a shit covered arm pushed itself out of the surface of the pool. Dwigger had never heard of a shit-golem before, but the features of the zombie Halfling soon became visible under the excrement. Ulmus quickly dispatched the Halfling by transforming his staff into Bubble Bubble. The snek ate the zombie and transformed back into a staff.

Moving out of the bathroom, the next room showed a group of six goblins dressed in drag. Their blonde wigs and high heels were absurd as they prepared to attack the Dragonborn who had been waiting outside the bathroom.

Their first attack missed the rest of the group, but glanced off Dwigger through random dumb-luck.

With the doorway fully open, Isabeau rushed in with a magnificent shield bash. Half the group of goblins was shoved across the room and looked immediately dazed.

Ulmus followed up Isabeau’s attack with a Moonbean. He concentrated on the undamaged group of goblins by the entrance, but there didn’t seem to be much of an affect.

Jumping into the center of the battle, Dwigger followed Isabeau into the room and cast a clap of thunder. Immediately a goblin fell to the ground dead, and the rest of the room covered their ears to the thunderous noise.

Seeing Ulmus’ trouble with the goblins, Min sent a cone of fire into the center of the group. The couch behind the goblins immolated, and the room warmed as the fire started to spread. The enemy were singed, but continued to approach.

Hathyra jumped one of the goblins with her shortsword, but missed as a rotten floorboard collapsed under her foot.

Fortunately for Hathyra, the goblin was distracted by the plight of his flamboyant friends as they got slashed by Isabeau. She managed to lose her sword into the ceiling after slaying both goblins in fury.

Ulmus’ concentration was broken by the slash from a goblin weapon, his moonbeam spell disrupted.

As Dwigger slays another goblin with his battle axe, Min attempts to slay another goblin but loses her dagger in the flaming curtain. The explosion of flame knocks Isabeau’s sword from its position in the ceiling and cleanly pins one of the two remaining goblin queers to the floor. Min and Isabeau quickly rush to retrieve their lost weapons.

The goblin previously distracted by Isabeau seeks its retribution by attacking Hathyra with its weapon.

The goblin is flailing wildly and Isabeau misses a killing blow. Ulmus grabs the creature, but he escapes another attack from Dwigger who tried to finish him off with a good reaming.

Finally, Min kicks the goblin in the dick and finishes him off.

After stomping out the flames before they take the whole building, the team makes a few choice acquisitions from the team of goblins, including wigs, high heels and leather jackets. After buttressing the doors with the burned couch, they play dress up and recuperate before heading further into the manor.

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You're going to love what comes next

When we last left our hero and his company of travelers Ulmus had been left alone to track down the fleeting assassin. Separated from his team he was the only hope to stalk this hit-man or risk having him slink off into the forest and carry out his dubious task. Using his mystical druidic powers Ulmus kept pace with the rogue, all the while hiding in the shadows, hidden from sight.

The assassin broke through the forest into a small clearing where a captive and cultists gathered around, preparing for some ritualistic ceremony. Not wanting to exclude the rest of his team, from what would no doubt be a glorious battle, Ulmus quickly darted back to where they had last been seen.

Upon reaching the building that he began his pursuit from Ulmus reunited with his group of misbegotten companions. They appeared unharmed and ignorant to the weight of the events unfolding. With the prowess that only a true leader can muster, Ulmus gathered his men and led them to the cultists’ magical gathering.

As they encroached upon their enemies Ulmus’ followers took pause, for what must have been fear of the coming fight. A large circle of cult members congregated around fire. An immense man could be seen, bound to an alter, weary head draped down. One cult member leading the ritual grasped his hair, raised his head and slit his throat. A murmurous chanting could be heard, at first from the camp, and as time passed the sound grew to surround them. The sky blackened and began to unleash a heavy rain down upon our hero and his compatriots. The cult members circling the fire dropped to the ground, lifeless. Our hero gazed over at the cultists ceremony and noticed it was unaffected by the rain. Not to be left out being soaked by the downpour Ulmus sauntered into the center of the gathering without waiver and perched himself next to the fire. His team, shocked and intimidated by the events taking place before their very eyes, huddled together gathering their courage.

The cult member that had taken the life of his sacrifice turned and peered at the hero. Their eyes locked and a smirk began to form on the cultist. Ulmus could see that this was the same man he had followed earlier. The fire that Ulmus has been standing next to roared and grew as a demon began to form behind the man.

Years of druidic teachings and his natural distain for the malevolent had given Ulmus the insight to know that this summoning was not yet complete. In a brash attempt to thwart the ritual Ulmus glanced at the fire and without hesitation jumped onto it. In a fluid motion his feet left the ground and began to merge together into a large flipper. His body elongated and took the form of a large shark. He flails violently, attempting to smother out the fire and break the spell that was summoning this demon to the world of the living.

Ulmus’ company, still hidden from sight, gaze at our hero unable to look away. In a moment of bravery, Dwigger, composes himself and begins to charge into the upcoming fight. Seeing that they need not be scared, the rest of the team finally brakes from their paralysis and charges in, longing for battle.

With the fire now squelched, Ulmus reverts back to his true form and notices the demon is unaffected. His cultists draw their weapons and prepare to stand their ground against the overwhelming force now coming for them. Gathering strength from the dark magic around him, the demon raises his hands and all the cult members whose lives were forfeited begin to stand. The demons power is so strong that one of Ulmus’ weaker teammates becomes entranced by him and falls under his spell. She begins trying to commune with him and pull him from his world into ours. Our hero and his company battle the surrounding horde and attempt to restore Isabeau to her right mind again. As the battle rages on, zombies and cultists begin to fall. As minions are slain, the demons power weakens and Isabeau regains her senses and fights back against what was once enslaving her mind. Eventually the demons minions are crushed under the power of Ulmus and company and the spell is broken. As he fades back out of our existence Dwigger and him exchange words before he vanishes.

The sky begins to open up again and the rain and clouds break. Free from danger Ulmus’ company, ever vigilant on their search for treasure begins looting the surrounding area. Unhindered by material possessions Ulmus looks to gain knowledge. He reaches into his pockets and pulls out his elvish vase, placing it on the ritual alter. Once again the sky grows black, Ulmus’ companions look at him and turn to flee, unready for another fight.

As the blackness grows, the vase gleams a pale light from it and strands of shimmering silk can be seen descending from the sky and the surrounding trees. A voice calls out to our hero, “This ritual is a mockery.” Ulmus looks up, and two eyes are seen staring down at him from the heavens. Intrigued with the power that is sitting before him Ulmus speaks out, “What must I do to continue the ritual?”

“Bring me the hearts of your allies.”

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"Snakes and Ladders: A tale of how BubbleBubble lost his virginity"
"More accurately that time we shopped and wound up at a blood ritual"

Semi-point form because 1) I’m insufferably lazy and 2) I’m only halfway through an attempt to put this in story form – once done, will update and add below this!


  • Party spends morning in The Slaughtered Dwarf determining what to do until dusk that day
  • Ulmus – knowing his custom saddle will now be complete – SAUNTERS off on his own, but not before swiping a few sausages for BubbleBubble from the tavern’s counter on the way out
  • While party remains at tavern, Ulmus has altercation with a rather large, intimidating fellow who demands 50 gold for passage through the alleyway. Ulmus attempts to “dick flick” the brute with his finger, finds said finger suddenly clenched between the thug’s thunderous thighs instead… and proceeds to burn the bastard until released
  • Ulmus nonchalantly continues on his way once thug runs screaming in agony
  • After he returns with his saddle to the tavern, this is when the rest of the party decides they, too, want to get their “shop on”. All proceed to purchase numerous items. Most noteworthy is Ulmus’ deranged idea to purchase a ladder he intends to store within BubbleBubble.
  • Upon finishing up their purchases, party is harassed by an irate and most assuredly insane woman outside of the shopping district, various felines and trinkets thrown their way in addition to various offensive obscenities. The items appear to have little to no significance or use but are kept all the same. They include:
    – Dwigger: a base whistle (which he decides to be used from here on out as the party’s regroup signal)
    – Isabeau: a pyramid of sticky and black incense. It smells simply terrible.
    – Min: a small packet filled with pink dust
    – Hathyra: a single caltrop made of bone
    – Ulmus: a rabbit’s foot
  • During some manner of disagreement between Isabeau and Ulmus (the noble woman usually in a state of exasperation at the Gnome’s hi-jinks), Isabeau successfully “g’violates the g’nome” with the indestructible penis (also known as Water Wiggly). BubbleBubble, upset at the grievous assaulting of his master, is given a smooch by Isabeau as penance

*Dusk finally approaches and the party makes their way through the slums and out towards [insert whatever the description actually was of this area as, frankly, this got changed a lot in the course of its explanation and I’ve forgotten]. Min moves to hide in a tree [bushes?] nearby in order to eavesdrop while Hathyra and Isabeau blend in with the regular civilians populating the area. Ulmus and BubbbleBubble climb up on a roof while Dwigger heads back towards several establishments nearby to seek a “tvern” which is actually a brothel

*Ulmus, Min, Hathyra and Isabeau watch as the cloaked figures make their way to an abandoned shack in the distance

*Ulmus follows shady figures in squirrel form into the shack

*Hathyra and Isabeau slowly move closer to where Min is attempting to listen outside the door. According to what the occasionally incontinent dragonborn would tell her companion’s after, she heard mention of a “Head of Titans” and that the hermit in the forest was being held captive, his torture for information heavily implied.

*Ulmus, being within the shack as the enemies spoke, witnesses a large and intimidating man remove a set of torture tools and a pouch of gold. Immediately understanding this man to be employing the other two shady figures, Ulmus decides it prudent to follow this figure wherever he may go after the meeting.

*Min darts into the bushes near the shack as the “boss” figure leaves, the other two coming out behind him, one moving to the bush Min hid behind. At the sight of the man unlacing his breeches in order to relieve himself, Min releases her fiery breath, the unsuspecting man screaming in agony as his loins are set aflame.

*As Hathyra and Isabeau attempt to run as nonchalantly as possible towards Min and the screaming man, Dwigger – hearing the screams back at the brothel – makes his way towards the action as well

*Isabeau immediately moves to engage the enemy Min set aflame, her stomach worriedly twisting in discomfort (recalling the strange potion the hermit had her drink) before she felt her sword and shield arms rejuvenated, her sword coming down in righteous fury to viciously slash at the man across his chest. Capitalizing on the bizarre energy surging through her body, she then bashes the man to the ground with her shield, knocking him unconscious

*As the second enemy moves to attack Isabeau and fails in an attempt to drive his dagger between her ribs, Min appears behind him with a devastating sneak attack, repeatedly stabbing and slicing at him as he screams his pain and surprise, Hathyra moving in as well to add her own sword’s edge to the assault

*Charging in with a battle cry, Dwigger raises his war axe high to bring it down upon the assailant’s head but the blow is deflected by the enemy’s helm. However, the heavily bleeding and battered enemy stumbles backwards from the impact, smashing into the shack’s eaves trough and blinding himself with the sludge that erupts outwards

*As his other companions are engaged in battle, Ulmus follows the powerful man to the edges of the forest in the near distance

*In a combined assault, the remaining party members cut down the other two enemies, Isabeau gutting and killing the blinded enemy with her sword as the previously unconscious enemy rises to engage. Dwigger takes minimum damage from the weakened enemy’s attacks but manages to block most, Min moving in to repeatedly pierce the enemy’s flesh between his armor, bringing the man to his knees again. Hathyra ends the scuffle by cleanly slicing off the head of their foe in one fluid movement.

*Ulmus hears Dwiggger’s whistle echo in the air, returning to his companions with the news of the boss’ location in the forest. Before they depart, Min crouches to piss in triumph on the singed and punctured corpse of their enemy [And there was much rejoicing].

*Min quickly checks the pockets of their fallen enemies before the party makes a mad dash for the forest, not wanting to miss their chance at witnessing whatever this suspiciously powerful man was attempting within

*They come to a cropping in the forest, a dozen hooded figures in black surrounding a few incredibly tall people in elegantly brimmed cloaks. Immediately, the companions all recognize the crescent shape on the robes the figures wore

*In the center of it all is a bald-headed figure with tattoos adorning his face, held captive and bounded to a pike in the ground, his blood being drained from his body. They all watch in disgusted awe as the man’s blood is tossed into the flames, the smoke that rises immediately after explosively changing colour

*As the taller figures back up and the smaller ones approach, they all suddenly collapse as if suffocated, the dark silhouette of a menacing figure now appearing in the smoke and flames…

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Cocoa and Crocs and Crooks*, oh my!
*Don't call a thief a crook to their face, only one of the two have honour.

Here’s the summary bit. I intended to submit a “story-esque” retelling of the session & am 2/3rds through what I intended to complete, but because of some other obligations I will probably not finish that aspect until post-tomorrow-session.

Core info below… for now //evil grin//


  • Jagron the Hermit gives Ulmus a Staff of Python, henceforth known as Bubble Bubble;
  • Everyone imbibes a cocoa drink and is given two sealed food rations apiece… Isabeau’s stomach sadly does not get on well with the warm beverage;
  • Isabeau receives an unassuming stick that functions as a magical compass (henceforth “Compass Stick”);
  • Ulmus (& Company) decides that the group should head to Athrak in order to prevent the planned poisoning – Jagon’s directions lead the troupe through swamp, forest and field in order to reach their destination;
  • Ulmus (& Company) encounter a croc. Ulmus, blinded by the newfound power a fifteen-foot magical snake/staff imbues, thinks it wise to whip a food ration at the animal. Protip: don’t do that;
  • After lighting the crocodile up like it were Hintermas, playing darts with its eyeball and shoving a Flame Sphere in its mouth… Min swoops in and carves that bad boy up like it was Ye Olde Hide House and Dwigger merges its face into one piece with his hammer. Ulmus restores Bubble Bubble to staff form, gets his food ration back with a bit of croc spit, and harvests a strip of skin for future leatherworking. Everyone else either takes some teeth or fists about in the reptile’s entrails (of note was a reptilian ‘hand’ that was partially digested);
  • Troupe continues on through the woods. They approach a summit and view a clearcut (logged) area with a town in the centre. Town is under marshall law and extremely racist against non-humans.
  • Thanks to being human (Isabeau), using a minor illusion (Ulmus + Bubble Bubble) or having a disguise on hand (Min), some of the group are able to enter the town, no strings attached. Those of us who aren’t as lucky either pay a fee (Dwigger) or barter pipeweed (Hathyra) to get through the gates. Famor, the guard who let everyone through expects to meet Hathyra at The Slaughtered Dwarf tavern to collect his gate fee;
  • The group observe that no expression of any other religion or belief aside from the Golden Sun sigil is permitted – the guards all wear this sigil;
  • Ulmus seeks out a leatherworker to contract a saddle for Bubble Bubble. He also locates someone who tells him more about the Elvish vase (Dark Elf ceremonial vase, Drow writing, dark magic, hearts of enemies placed within to activate the spell… finding this so close to the surface = bad. To know more requires travelling to the Underdark);
  • The rest of the group (Dwigger, Min, Isabeau, Hathyra) travel to the tavern to gain more information/seek out thieves’ guild intel/wait for Famor;
  • Dwigger solicits information from the Dwarven barkeep, who lets slip that three black-cloaked figures come to the tavern each night. Said figures arrive shortly after;
  • Dwigger takes centre stage and exercises his bardly ways while Isabeau, Min and Hathyra seat themselves at a table close to the cloaked figures. Min overhears some thief jargon & believes that the figures are to meet in an area of town at dusk the next day. Also something about a full moon…
  • The three ladies attempt a setup; Min takes some pipeweed and walks behind the cloaked figures’ table. She gets caught trying to plant the ‘weed in one of the figures’ robes, and Isabeau tries [unsuccessfully] to convince the triad that Min is a bumbling servant;
  • Dwigger steps in and uses his charisma to convince the three that this was a drop that got messed up. The figures seem to accept the explanation and leave the tavern.
  • Ulmus arrives and the group decides to exchange information over some pints.

(Where’s Famor?)


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Abomination Bear

Quick Notes:

  • Fight aberant bear creature in forest
  • Meet up with old, pantless man, hanging in tree.
  • Go back to his cabin via secret underground tunnel
  • Find out about thieves’ guild for more information on The Crescent.
  • Given a variety of magical items

If someone could write this one up in their own perspective, please do! Inspiration will also be given!

Note messily scribbled at the side from Isabeau:

Found the log. Finally. This is what I get for accepting “herbs” from Dragonkin monks…

Came out with awesome weapon – which am still figuring out due to inability to recall precisely what it does (on account of aforementioned “herbs”).

Note to self: If ever I meet that hermit again, do apologize for being an utter git and thank him for reward of epic weapon.

Second note to self (though equally relevant): … Stop being paranoid git.

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Wight Through the Doors
Draining Victims

Beyond the double doors reveals a long corridor, with three doors, that contain a bed in each; one bloody, one empty, and one with someone still in it, already drained of their life.

Ulmus heads to the next set of double doors at the end of the corridor, and proceeds to stare at them for what seems to be minutes, eventually alerted of something coming out. Ulmus heads to an ambush point down the hall, and casts fire behind this creature, which turns out to be a wight. Between this fire, and Minn’s fire on the other side, this creature is quickly done away with.

Our characters head to the end of the corridor, head in, and find plans laid out on the table, with stairs leading out of this place. These plans seem to indicate an attack on the hermin they had met previously, at the west side of the Eastwood.

They hit the top of the stairs, and see shadowy figures in the forest, and proceed to follow.

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Gnoll Surprise
On without Althaea, except in hat form

Into the cave, it opens up into a large cavern with many shadowy crevices. Our characters make a quick search of the room, finding a chest. Unfortunately for Minn, and all those around, the area surrounding the chest is trapped, making a thunderous attack on them, but worse, it alerts the gnolls and goblins that were seemingly waiting further in the caves.

The gnolls are brutal, but with Minn’s quickness, she speeds up the battle; while Ulmus cages the brutes, quite literally buying throwing the cage at them, allowing Hathyra to freeze them to the cages, which are now on the ground, ultimately incapacitating these brutes.

Some analysis of this structure determines that this is not the ground level, and Ulmus & Company are certain of such as they break through to a room, with the double doors; which, as everyone knows, always lead to something good.

What lies beyond these doors, and around this room?

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The Source of Contamination
A Rock Falls, Althaea Dies

Ulmus & Company, including the late Althaea, arrive at the caves, met by a swath of goblins (a group of goblins is, of course, called a swath) attacking from their cave. Some pot shots are taken from the hills by the river out front, but Althaea makes quick work of the goblins, in her wolf form, but succumbing to the falling cave debris, dying a most horrible death.

Our characters take a night to “grieve,” recovering what damage they received from this fight.

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Temple Tales
A Dragon Shits on a Temple

If a dragonborn shits on a temple, does everyone smell it? An age-old question with no answer…

Our characters meet up with a bard, by the unlikely name of Dwigger. There must be something about him, because he eventually tags along.

Minn, per usual self, takes a shit on the temple steps — perhaps a gift to some faiths? But, more than likely, perhaps not.

Pastor Petyr is met in the temple, and found out to be in cahoots with whomever is contaminating the water and who knows what other kinds of shenanigans. Ulmus and Company make swift work of him after finding out about some goblins in a cave up north that seem to be involved.

Supplies will arrive in three days

A key detail that lingers in the minds of the party.

Next stop, to the north.

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